She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
