We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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