I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
