Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
