broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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