am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize