In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
