Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
