We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
