Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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