Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
