i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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