k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
