there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
