I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
