well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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