Pappa wants mamma naked
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
