She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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