At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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