He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
