You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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