I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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