Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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