tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
