Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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