I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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