I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My balls are so social today.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
