Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
