my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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