you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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