Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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