i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
