I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
