whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize