Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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