i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
