the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
