I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
