I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Duck Duck Cougar?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
