he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
