have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
