seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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