I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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