I want to make a zoo with you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
