shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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