I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
