I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
