my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
