Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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