why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
