Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize