Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
