grandma shit on top of the toilet
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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