Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
