I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
