I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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