i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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