We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
