Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
