Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
