Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
