Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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