once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
