I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
