Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
