I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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