You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
