You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
