There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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