Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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