I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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