Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Girls should come with a carfax report
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize