Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize