so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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