So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
FUCK WHALES
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