I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
