That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
