Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize