I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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