weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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