I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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