So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
