NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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