Buhtt sex?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
