Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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