yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize