Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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