just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
