There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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