He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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