Don't make out with my wife yet
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
